Swoosh English IELTS Student Essay: Writing task 2 Homework

Hello IELTS students, We are thrilled to be able to respond to so many of the requests we had from you all struggling with IELTS writing essay. The request we received many times was:

Q. Can you post some REAL student essays and include the corrections, teacher feedback, suggestions for improvement and the band score estimation? I want to be able to learn from the mistakes of other students to improve my own writing and look at what the UK IELTS teacher suggested.

A. No problem, here is what you all asked for below:)

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Here is one of our IELTS students’ task 2 essays. We recommend you to read the question and answer, together with our native UK IELTS teacher’s corrections and feedback. Feel free to comment and share with other students the IELTS writing.

Some people believe that it is better to go straight to university after secondary school. Others prefer to take a few years off to work before continuing their education.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of each of these strategies?

Give support for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. 250 words. 

 

In the following essay I am going to try and explain/highlight what could be the the positive or negative consequences of different study resumingspaths.

Firstly I would like to presentate the ’taking time off’ scenario. In that situation the hopefully the future student would takes his time to regeneratecover from the years lastingof learninstudy whichhatcould result in maybye increased enthusiasm for studying spiritwhen he continouescontinues. Also he could go sightseeing in the truereal world for that time, expereincingexperiencing it andgathering obvious knowledge thatwhat he would not get behindinathe school desk. Alternatively, he also could concentrate on work to fundd/make his future education and make it more easier from a financial perspective. However, that gap year surely can end up as might be the end of hisone’s education i: f he findsfound the perfect job, has no more patientcepatience for study after workingor is simply lazyiness.

SecondlyOn the other hand, by going with immediatelye transferto university,; the individual is still in the flow of the learning so he has that as an advantage plus he also stays with his/her age group of students whichhat really can boost the class morale. From acareer perspective with one’more’ year he can start his carrercareer much earilerearlier than the ones withwho take a gap year. This is tahts true espaciallyespecially in awith more lets say’job oriented’ work environment like a doctorate. However, we also must point out that the person obviously has much less life experience and can choose the wrong life carrercareer for himim/herself. Thats quite a big drawback.

In the end iTo conclude, I would like to point out that: I have_no’–t mentionedbrought any examples beacusebecause it is my belief thats this is aits rather subjective topic. Each to their own. S some people work better with a year off, meanwhile to other peoples that year will be the ’killer’ perhapsmaybye for even for his life.; Butbutthats another subject for another essay.

Oliver, you have some good points and a well-structured essay. The main issue is that you are writing in a way that is more appropriate to casual, spoken language than more formal, written language. Please look carefully at the changes I have made and let me know if you have any questions. ~6

 

Q: Choose one sentence in this essay and see if you can write a better sentence than this. Remember to use uncommon vocabulary, good grammar and punctuation. Good luck!

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