Essay Correction, IELTS Writing, Task 2, Uncategorized

An IELTS Student Task 2 Essay

Do you agree IELTS writing can be difficult to get a band score 7+?

Let’s make things easier for you by showing you one of our students’ answers as well as the corrections and feedback!

Can you improve this answer? What did the student do incorrectly? 


Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion?

 

It is often argued that men and women have the same rights are even and they can perform the same certain roles equally, while others opposed with this statement and believe that female workers cannot accomplish the same work as males. It is agreed in my opinion, I believe that… that both genders are equal and have exactly the same rights. This essay will discuss firstly the importance of equality between genders in the society and secondly why women are capable of in to working in any area jobs they want.

On the other hand, in many developing countries, there are have no differences between genders, especially in the Western part of the world. This plays a crucial role in every person‘s life as equality is helping humans to accept each other and it creates flexibility in all walks of life. For instance, a recent survey proved that women who are engaged in hard physical jobs – which usually men do – have more success and recognition against their male colleagues. As a consequence of this the relationship between the genders is are better and the effectiveness of their work has is increased.
 
On the other hand, men haves been seen throughout history as the created stronger gender, however in the past decades, women have are closed this gap. This happened How did this happen? as a result of the emancipation of females who are became more and more powerful, since they showed resilience were allowed to do different types of work and therefore the demand for female workers has increased. In the course of time, women’s roles in the workplace have escalated both such as mentally and physically. To illustrated this, in the 1960’s in Germany a group of women lady set to work in heavy physical jobs, such as helping in an iron-foundry and road-building. This phenomenon caused an enormous change in women’s future roles.
 
In conclusion, in my view… women do deserve to handle roles in the workplace them equally with men, because they are capable of doing anything that what a male can, as these days there are no jobs which are only suitable for a particular gender.  There are still questions about the gender gap, meaning that women in some careers are still not on par with their male co-workers. it can be led into a peaceful and prosperous life in society and the entire world.
 

Let’s make things easier for you by showing you one of our students’ answers as well as the corrections and feedback!


( 311 words )
 
Before edits – Band Score = 5.5
 
Improvements
 
Vocabulary (lexical resource) – you used very simple vocabulary or repeated words in places, using varied vocabulary and high-level words will gain you more marks.
 
Grammar – Issues with grammatical range and accuracy – some of the tenses were incorrect. Also please revise the use of;
Prepositions
Articles
Plurals
Phrasal Verbs
Modal Verbs
Sentence structure
Revise use of ’have’ and ’has’ and ’had’
https://www.ecenglish.com/learnenglish/using-have-and-has/
 
Task achievement – you haven’t said what your opinion is… the question asks you for your opinion, so you should make that clear. You had written – it is agreed… but better to say In my opinion, I believe that or in my view.
 
Coherence and Cohesion – you have organised your work into logical paragraphs – could make more use of linking words – one the one hand, on the other hand, however, therefore, etc.

You had included the for instance and to illustrate this… etc.

I also edited some sentences to make them read clearly. Before editing, I understood the main idea, but the meaning was not always really clear in every sentence.