Analysis of a Task 2 Academic IELTS Essay – Part 1
To achieve a level 7 or above grade, it is important to be able to edit your own work, and this involves not only being able to spot errors but also to recognize where you can improve the coherence and range of language used. The descriptors for bands 7 and 8 are given below to give you an idea of what you need to be looking for when you assess your work.
Coherence & cohesion
Grammatical response & accuracy
sufficiently addresses all parts of the task
sequences information and ideas logically
manages all aspects of cohesion well
uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately
uses a wide range of vocabulary fluently and flexibly to
uses a wide range of structures
the majority of sentences are error-free
makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies
addresses all parts of the task
presents a clear position throughout the response
presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may
logically organises information and ideas; there is clear
uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some
uses a variety of complex structures
produces frequent error-free sentences
has good control of grammar and punctuation but may
Below is the first half of a task 2 essay (the second half will be covered next week) asking you to give your opinion on whether you think the current age is the best age to live in. Read the first half of the essay and then decide what changes would you make to the underlined parts, and what you would add for the …. parts.
Topic: Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as well as postponing the day we die. There is no better time to be alive than now.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is true that development in science and technology has brought a lot of benefits to our life styles as well as increasing the life expectancy (1)………. In my opinion, we now live in (2)…..much better environment than ever before.
First of all, (3) we get enormous advantages of highly improved information technology nowadays. One of the best examples is the Internet, which allows people in the world to communicate each other (4) without barriers. (5) In other words, we now can talk to others who live in other countries through the Internet by simply using programs on it. (6) In addition, one of the outstanding changes in our life is the e-mail, (7) which means that we no longer need to post a documentation or letter and wait for a few days. Instead we can use e-mail system to send a letter, document, photo and video and it is sent to a receiver within a second. Compared to the past, (8) advances in technology provide a number of effects on our life and we are now free from the limitations of time and location(9)in aspects of communication.
(1) as increasing the life expectancy …….
Suggested alternative: ‘as well as increasing the life expectancy of many people.’
Explanation – Using ‘the ‘ before ‘life expectancy’ means it is necessary to specify life expectancy. Alternatively, you could omit the definite article and simply write ‘As well as increasing life expectancy’.
(2) In my opinion, we now live in …..much better environment than ever before.
Suggested alternative: In my opinion, we now live in a.much better environment than ever before.
Explanation – straightforward error of omission of the indefinite article before a singular noun
(3) …we get enormous advantages of highly improved information technology nowadays
Suggested alternative: …, improved information technology has brought enormous advantages.
Explanation –i) Using impersonal subjects is a good way of varying your sentences.
ii) ‘highly’ isn’t a common collocation with ‘improved’.