Essay Correction, IELTS Writing, Task 2

Swoosh English IELTS Student Essay: Task 2-7

Hello IELTS students,

 

Do you agree IELTS writing can be difficult to get a band score 7+?


Let’s make things easier for you by showing you one of our students’ answers as well as the corrections and feedback!

 

Can you improve this answer? What did the student do incorrectly?

 

In some countries there is a common custom among young people, that is to take one year of leave from studies after graduating from high school.

 

On the one hand, this decision allows the student to have enough time to ponder about the path to undertake in the future within the academic world. Indeed, a rushed choice could possibly lead to failure, especially if there isn’t yet a clear idea in the student’s mind about his or her strong and weak points.

A direct experience in “the real world” can perhaps dissolve some doubts about one’s interests and talents. This experience can be done, for instance, come from travelling abroad or working.


As a matter of fact, that this can help mature new social skills that can be crucial in the transition between from the assisted comfortable environment of high school and university. In the latter, indeed, each student is on his or her own, as very seldom lecturers worry about the learning abilities of them, and so they are forced to find quickly an appropriate study strategy in order to succeed. Teaming with other students can be the best option especially for the less gifted ones and can lead them to success, and this can’t be done effectively without a certain degree of social skill, which unfortunately high school doesn’t teach.

On the other hand, starting university studies one year after later means, of course, entering the job market one year later, and this could be a drawback in several occasions, mostly because some employers will use more often age than sheer skill as a selection criterion, as age can immediately determined while skill requires time to be assessed, and time is a resource seldom available amongst recruiters.

In my personal experience, I have known failure because of a rushed decision made under the influence of my teachers, so I tend to agree that taking some time before choosing our own path can definitely change our perspective and increase our chances to be successful in future academic studies.

Alberto, this is a masterfully written essay. For Grammatical Range and Accuracy and for Lexical Resource I would score it a Band 8, if not 9. However, it is far too long and several of the points you made, while both interesting and true, are only tangentially related to your main points and should be omitted in favour of some examples to support your points. With a few small content changes, you could have a genuinely excellent essay here. ~7.5

 

We have an exercise for you based on this essay question. Post your answers below and we will provide you with feedback.

Q: Choose one sentence in this essay and see if you can write a better sentence than this. Remember to use uncommon vocabulary, good grammar and punctuation. Good luck!

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