Essay Correction, IELTS Writing, Task 2

Swoosh English IELTS Student Essay: Task 2 – 2

Hello IELTS students,

We are thrilled to be able to respond to so many of the requests we had from you all struggling with IELTS writing. The request we received many times was:

Q. Can you post some REAL student essays and include the corrections, teacher feedback, suggestions for improvement and the band score estimation? I want to be able to learn from the mistakes of other students to improve my own writing and look at what the UK IELTS teacher suggested.

A. No problem, here is what you all asked for below:)

If this article helped you, please feel free to repay the love we have shown you by SHARING with other students and also by COMMENTING on it below.

Here is one of our IELTS students’ task 2 essays. We recommend you to read the question and answer, together with our native UK IELTS teacher’s corrections and feedback. Feel free to comment and share with other students.

 

Some people believe that it is better to go straight to university after secondary school. Others prefer to take a few years off to work before continuing their education.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of each of these strategies?

Give support for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. 250 words. 

Choosing between going to university after secondary school or taking a few years off to work before continuing education is an important decision in life, so it shouldn’t be taken lightly. That being said, we will be going through thethere are advantages and disadvantages toof each situation.

Choosing to go straight to university after secondary school it’s a good strategy because you will be around the same age as your colleagues, your mind will be set on study mode, you will probably have a well defined study method, and your knowledge will be up-to-date with what it’s expected of you. HoweverHowever, on the other side, choosing to go straight to university may lead you to choose thea wrong course or / path due to athe lack of life/ work and life experience. MoreoverAlso, you will noon’t be able to have financial independence as if you were a full time worker. F and, fi-nally, it can lead you to make bad decisions since you may not have enough maturity.

On the other hand, cChoosing to work before going to the university it’s a good choice when you are looking to gain some work and life experience that can help you decide what you want to study. It can also provide you financial independence as well as maturity, which might help you in dealing with the challenges that the university can bring. AOn the other side, as mentioned before, you will be older than most of your colleagues. FurthermoreAlso, your knowledge might not be up-to-date and you can have some trouble keeping up with what’s required. FinallyAt last, working before go-ing to university may provide “too much” independence which may lead to giving up on the idea of continuing you education altogether.

You need to include a conclusion that sums up your arguments and presents your opinion.

Ana, your essay is very well written and well organised. If you had a conclusion, it would easily be a Band 7. Also. you need to include more and a greater variety of discourse markers — words like however, therefore, moreover, nonetheless. Finally, your essay is a bit too long and with a conclu-sion would be even longer. Try to limit yourself to a maximum of three arguments per side, to keep your essay closer to the word limit.

Well done! ~6.5

Q: Choose one sentence in this essay and see if you can write a better sentence than this. Remember to use uncommon vocabulary, good grammar and punctuation. Good luck!