Essay Correction, IELTS Writing, Task 2

Swoosh English IELTS Student Essay: Task 2

Hello IELTS students,

We are thrilled to be able to respond to so many of the requests we had from you all struggling with IELTS writing. The request we received many times was:

Q. Can you post some REAL student essays and include the corrections, teacher feedback, suggestions for improvement and the band score estimation? I want to be able to learn from the mistakes of other students to improve my own writing and look at what the UK IELTS teacher suggested.

A. No problem, here is what you all asked for below:)

If this article helped you, please feel free to repay the love we have shown you by SHARING with other students and also by COMMENTING on it below.

 

Here is one of our IELTS students’ task 2 essays. We recommend you to read the question and answer, together with our native UK IELTS teacher’s corrections and feedback. Feel free to comment and share with other students.

 

What are the advantages and disadvantages of going to university straight out of secondary school?

 

The decision to go back to school at any level or age entails a lot of debate.
It came out the idea that cGoing to college immediately after high school may not be the best option for every student. After all, it is a life changing situation that requires investing significant time and resources.

 

There are some advantages and disadvantages, that a young personman should consider before deciding to enroll in an university or to take the gap years between high-school and university. , such as, but not limited to:

 

Working fulltime may give you consistency, buthowever sometimes consistency can be a great thing and may provide to a person a sense of security, but other times it may start to become a little boring, leading to routine.

 

Without school tuition, you can invest in any other experiences like trips, a new car and more. On the flip sideother hand the standing argument that there is no better way to invest in your future than to gain a quality education.

 

Although you may not have a degree, you have likely gained respect as an expert in the field and have stacked up some valuable relational power. Having a degree can open a lot of doors when it comes to advancement while enhancing your resume for potential future endeavors. Furthermore, gGoing back to college means that without a long term break between high school and college, you are still in “school mode.” Once you are out of this mode, it is harder to go back to school.

 

There is a variety of classes to choose from to figure out which are thend your passions for a professional future. ButYet the classroom does not give you “real life” experience.

 

Academically or financially, you might be pressured to finish in 4 years.What is your opinion?

 

This is a good essay that expresses your ideas clearly. Pay close attention to the changes I made to your paragraph structure. Paragraphing properly is important for your Coherence and Cohesion mark. Also, you need to include more linking words (however, therefore, furthermore, etc) and your essay must end with a conclusion that sums up your arguments and presents your opinion.
Nice job! ~6.5

 

Q: Choose one sentence in this essay and see if you can write a better sentence than this. Remember to use uncommon vocabulary, good grammar and punctuation. Good luck!